CHANGED WORLD - CHANGED TIMES

*By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. –Socrates

The hidden message is that ‘you’ should venture to marry provided you are a ‘philosopher’ even when you decide to do so. For, after all, whether you are to get a good wife or bad one is all in the hands of ‘providence’ –(i.e. prewritten / destiny).

*I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. --Groucho Marx

I was married to a judge; should I have asked for an arbitrator, if not for a ‘divorce lawyer’.

*My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. --Jimmy Durante

Mr Durante! You need to thank yourself- you are not alone!! Most modern wives have the same impediment; not ‘slight’, not ‘now and then’,  – often forget to stop even to breathe!!

*The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. --Jilly Cooper 

Thanks Mr Jilly! For not calling the male an 'ass' (or 'law' - perhaps, anyone of its derivatives) - which/who mostly is not known to succumb to any so-called 'mandate' / 'diktat', even if treated with the common tactics of - firmness or more so, kindness.

 *Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. --Mark Twain

Mr Mark! I understand; This seems to explain away the modern day concepts in economy - e.g. 'bad debt' and 'npa'.

*Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. --Spike Milligan (view)

Mr Spike! Thank God you did not have to live in our times!!

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. --Henny Youngman

(counter view)

Mr Youngman! You perfectly fit into our times like a glove ..but lo...!

*By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. --Billy Crystal

Yes! It is ‘crystal’ clear; except for going to ‘where’ –he will not have to take ‘step’, - hence no need to ‘watch’ it.